I was having a conversation with a fellow actress years ago and she said something I completely understood. We were talking about “civilians” (non-industry people), and she said, “If I were one of them, I’d judge me.” I said, “Me, too!” I don’t know why that caught me the way it did. Of course we would judge us. It’s the complicated human ability to see yourself through someone else’s eyes and understand because you were once someone who didn’t have your insight.
I was once a civilian and I judged everyone and everything around me. I still do, just a little less. When I decided to cocktail waitress, I had a list of do’s and don’ts. I’ve always had a list, it just dwindled as housing and eating became the top priority. And having a kid? Fuggedaboudit! You’ll do anything so your kids don’t go without. I once watched a short documentary about an older lady streetwalker who did her best at a job she was clearly growing too old for so her grandchildren could go to college. Her grandchildren! And they judged her, but she understood and it didn’t matter because her love for them was more important than her own safety. And they went to college. I’m always amazed at the resilience of the human spirit. That lady is super human to me. I hope she is living a quiet life surrounded by the love she deserves.
