It’s easy to claim being healthy when you’ve only been doing it for a little while, but I’m older and really feel like life could be interesting at middle age. I went from loving my wine, to loving my whisky and my wine, and now I’m kind of bored with it all. It’s fun for a minute, but it doesn’t really give back. And I’ve finally got a handle on my sleeping. That has been my biggest obstacle over the years, and the main reason I self-medicate.
I went to see a therapist about my sleeping. We talked about it at length even though I know it’s my overactive brain. I’ve tried herbal tea before bed, warm milk with saffron. I use an extra comforter on top of my blankets to weigh me down… Nothing seemed to work until I saw a woman sort of mummify herself in her bed. I tried it, and it helps. I take three pillows and place one behind my head, and cram the other two against the sides of my head. I put a heating pad under my lower back, and then bring my blankets up and cover my mouth, but not my nose. The room is dark and there is a fan that acts as noise cancellation, but the pillows block the air from stirring my hair around my face and tickling my skin. The pillows, the fan, and blankets act as a kind of sensory deprivation that insulates me enough to quiet my thoughts. It’s effective enough to work most nights.
And sleep is so important! My monkey brain goes and goes and jumps from one chaotic branch of a tree to the next until I feel I’ve covered the forest only to start again. Thinking leads to drinking. It cures boredom for a little while, but it’s a terrible longterm solution. This is what my liver tells me, anyway.
